It almost seems hopeless? Or is it just ridiculous to think that it’s possible to change the world? 8 billion people is impossible to change. Why even think that it needs changing? It all just grows anyway. Nagging. How it’s unbalanced. The change. Technologically speeding ahead without the balancing growth of our acceptance of our responsibility to each other. A haunting tune returning always: “What’s it all about, Alphie?”. Rebellion at first against parental guidance? Was I really that stupid? It was like, ok, you made me, you gave me this body, and now you think I should be a certain way? What the fuck is that all about? Bullshit. You gave me this body but it’s mine and I’m gonna do with it what I can to make it really me. To the point of surgically changing my pride and joy (how ignorant was that?), my penis. Happy with all the accidental changes; losing part of one finger, maiming another on a table saw… I still think the member is the strangest piece of meat ever. Did I say that already? Repeating my self. Old age boredom. But to become me seemed to be important. And now, it’s, I don’t know, really, what was it all about? To get a better sense of what acceptance is? Acceptance of parents, finally? Finding the ability to say yes yes, you gave me a really fine foundation, and then, inevitably you had to let me be me and even though I wasn’t what you would’ve maybe wanted you died possibly also wondering what the hell was that all about? To finally, too late, say “Thanks, Mom and Dad. I wish you were still around to see that I’m really not all that bad?”.

You can’t really change kindergarten into the graduate class from which you receive your PhD. Nor should you want to. Gotta go through all the stages. Make all the mistakes. So maybe it’s not so much about changing the world as it is about maintaining the goodness of it that’s already here. I thought the other day that I don’t wanna fight darkness. Why fight it? It’s day and night; two lovers chasing after each other just to meet for short periods of time. Just letting the light shine is enough. Darkness just evaporates. Maybe in deep space it seems really dark even tho the light permeates it. Being invisible, it’s within the darkness unseen.